Is it the one who says, "I love you" and the one who responds?
The Tale of… The Love Bug
1oz Absolut vodka
1oz Pomegranate Liqueur
Finish with a lime wedge
How equal can a relationship ever really be?
Shakespeare wrote that love is blind. I can’t make up my mind whether Shakespeare was a hopeless romantic, or was just really experienced. But in so many cases, it seems he hit the nail on the head portraying in perfect terms the bitter sweet truth about all relationships. His words may apply to different relationships in different ways, but in most cases, they can be applied, as can this “love is blind” theory in particular.
Love can blind it’s victims to the ugly truths that may be staring them in the face.
Perhaps what is more frightening, those who are in relationships think they are immune to this fate. They are wrapped up in their relationship safety net and think that loneliness, one sided love affairs and heartache are not even on their radar. The fact is, they are just as prone to these cases as everyone else, and what’s worse for them, it will be invisible. Their love bubble will blind them to the fact that it is even going on. This is when we see relationships that are so clearly being flushed down to the sewers of “we’ve been together nearly a year, but I’m not ready for a relationship”, or “he invited me to go away with him… he needed someone to drive” and they still just don’t see it.
So how do you spot if this is happening to you? Do you have to be hyper-aware of every inch of detail that occurs in your relationship, analysing the patterns of his behaviour and noting any anomalies occurring. You cannot be serious.
No one is going to live their life like this, and if they do, what sort of life is it? That is why it is said, you have to take risks if you want benefits. You have to put yourself out there if you want to fall in love and risk just falling. But something that got me thinking the other day, perhaps, relationships are always hiding something. Even if your relationship is healthy and you are both ultimately happy, not only to your own eyes but everyone else sees it too, how can you ever know that your lover feels exactly the same as you do?
It is a common concept that in relationships, one is more powerful than the other, and a further idea that one person is always more in love than the other. When is it that a relationship is entirely equal? It seems, there isn’t! So, is it the case then, that when one of you says “I love you” they are not “saying it back”, it is just a response? Many of you I’m sure will think, well no, because sometimes you say it first and sometimes they do. But once it has been said for the first time by one of you, the rest of the times you say it follow this one declaration. And so you’re there in the spotlight for the rest of the relationship as “the one who said it first”. Hopefully it is this, and not “the one who is in love… the only one.”.
I hear so many stories of people saying it by accident, whether intoxicated or not. Nowadays, the words are tossed around like salad; we say it on the phone, in texts, to our families, to our friends, even to celebs on Twitter who, lest we forget, are actually strangers.
So who can blame Laurie* for saying quite casually in conversation by accident? Her plan: to shake it off and laugh about it, the reality of it: him saying it back… But how do you take it back? Once you have both said it, and then you realise, actually I was just swept up in the moment and you don’t really mean it, you’re already out there. Completely naked, with LOVE branded across your relationship.
I hope this is yet another moment of my glass half empty moments, and really, people who say I love you, mean it.
Everyone was fascinated and pleasantly amused when they had their own lives bluntly handed to them on a plate in the film “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Women around the world were relating to one of the stories and finding it so honest and clever. However, I find myself watching the film and thinking the exact opposite. I am very hostile towards a situation where I feel my friends are being taken advantage of, so much so that I probably come across a little strongly and they are secretly calling me a bitch behind my back, but I just can’t help it. What’s worse, I now fault that film on the fact that they spend the whole time making the point about women lying to each other about happily ever afters and then the film ends with 90% of the couples living happily ever after with each other. So again, women leave with the hope that maybe they could be an “exception”.
There can surely never be a “right” way to say I love you and we all know that whatever love is, however it may come about, it never happens the way it ‘should’.
Fairy tales aren’t really out there…