Are You Comfortable? Because you’re gonna hate me for this…

Ring the alarm on your relationship

The Tale of… The Pussy Foot
1cl Grenadine syrup

4cl Pineapple Juice
4cl orange juice
4cl Grapefruit Juice
Is it better to see your relationship for what it really is, all the realistic moments that the happy endings in Nicholas Sparks novels just don’t portray? You’ve had some amazing times and fell quickly and madly in love, but it was only meant to last a year or two? Or is it better just to stay casual? Not get as close and comfortable with each other and still have some of that new couple feeling around each other, but not enjoy the closeness of a relationship where the two people are just so comfortable with one another? You may not feel intimacy in the same way, or say “I love you”, but you also don’t run the risk of things becoming toocomfortable or running out of things to look forward to perhaps. Are things less likely to fade out if you always feel like you’re going just another date?  Having said that, is this even possible? By the time you’re up to about the 20th date, you’re probably running out of “what’s your favourite colour?” questions to ask and are likely to be fairly comfortable in each other’s company. So how do you keep things just casual? I can hear the inevitable, sex. Just sex. Nothing else, no dinners, dates, flowers or movies. Friends with benefits, no strings attached and all that. I am happy to keep an open mind in believing that this can work, however, I am yet to hear a story that is proof of this.
I am however a firm believer in the existence of cowards in relationships.
Enter the pussy.
I have seen and heard too many times instances where couples are ploughing down a road to meet a dead end purely because one or both of them is too damn scared to admit it’s over.
Despite concerns that my other half will think this entire post is me trying to tell him it’s over, I will try to explore this further…

Whether it’s because they don’t want to be on their own, have met someone else or my personal favourite, “don’t want to hurt the person”, you can take your prick, sorry I mean pick.  By no means am I claiming they are untrue, I can certainly understand that despite not feeling the same about someone you are in a relationship with, you still care about them and do not want to be the person to hurt them. However, once this torturous journey goes beyond the duration of a week, you’ve already crossed the line. If you don’t want to be with someone, you’re probably giving off a completely different vibe to the one where you were really into them. And hopefully, they have sensed this, so you’re already hurting them if you’re not being honest. They’re already sat with their friends saying, they just “seem different” and they’re doing their best to come up with every other alternative, “maybe he’s stressed”.

“Why oh why oh why oh, are we still in denial when we know we’re not happy here?” 

In terms of the times when they have met someone else and now have to find a reason to break up with you, are in my opinion, up there with the worst experiences of relationships.  The crème de la crème of pussys are the ones who try to convince you that you don’t want to be with them anymore because you “deserve better”. Or they try to find reasons that they can use to break up with you. One minute you’re asking them to pass you the salt and pepper across the table, the next thing he’s screaming at you that he can’t do anything to please you and that he can never do enough to make you happy. Be warned.
However, the ones that I feel doom the future of relationships for all girlfriends/boyfriends to follow are the ones who tip toe around their own relationship with the constant fear that they might tread in the wrong place for push the wrong button. The ones who think that the fact they said they love you and told you you’re beautiful magically makes all the wrongs they have done disappear. This specific type of person also normally crosses with the Guilt Givers. The ones who can and will make their partner feel as if it is actually them who is putting the strain on the relationship.
And so begins the eggshell walking.
I heard something the other day, “marriage is what people do when they run out of conversation”. So if this is really why we’re all being proposed to ladies, I think we need to rethink some things. So many times I hear stories where a proposal takes places right after a couple has been having problems in their relationship, I’m sure many times, the troubles may come from a very nervous guy, but on the other occasions, are the pussys present? Is it their way of avoiding any form of confrontation, or ultimatum? The concept and importance of marriage cannot be allocated to the general opinion of a gender overall, but it is certainly down to individual opinion. But it does seem that it occurs too many times for reasons other than, ‘we want to spend the rest of our lives together’. Now of all the things I bore you with my thoughts on, marriage is of course the last thing I can claim to have experience with, but I’m going to give it a shot anyway…
It now seems like that there is a distinction between marriage and ‘getting married’. People want to ‘get married’, they want to plan the perfect wedding, have the perfect day, go on the perfect honeymoon, and maybe even be able to call themselves a husband or a wife, but it seems people should perhaps look at it more like the traditional “a puppy is for life not just for Christmas”, well, “your spouse is for life not just for the honeymoon”. People seem to have forgotten that once you ‘get married’ you are in a marriage. Which isn’t as easy and simple as embarking on the journey is. It’s easy to start, and it’s just too easy to stop and give up, but marriage is the keeping on going part of the journey.
Now I must also make a distinction between what I am meaning here about people not being ready to commit and divorce. Divorce does not occur solely from couples who weren’t ready to get married, sometimes love does just fade and couples do fall out of love with each other. Despite many opinions, divorce does not belittle marriage vows, even though they may have been broken, that does not take away their sincerity when made to one another at the time.

        “Marriage can be such a blessing…”                                                                                                       
        “So can divorce.”
                 Mrs Doubtfire
There is also some stigma attached to the influence of your parent’s relationships on your own. I’ve never quite understood what that meant. My parents are divorced, does that mean that for the rest of my life if anything dysfunctional happens in my relationships I should blame it on the fact that my mum and dad split up?  Is it that I have lost all hope in the sanctity of marriage and love because of what happened to my family? I’m afraid not. It is personal experiences that turn people into hostile bitches or self-made spinsters.  If anything, experiencing divorce in your own life should only show you one thing, not everything lasts forever.
Of course on some occasions, divorce takes place due to one or both parties behaving badly. However, on other occasions it happens because someone is not in love anymore. Now, one could argue that giving up on love is the easy way out of this one. However, just because you are bound in a marriage, doesn’t mean that being bound in love automatically comes with that, so if that bond breaks, I believe it actually takes courage to have to break the other.  After all, if you’re going to be stuck with someone for the rest of your life, it may as well be someone who wants to be stuck with you too.
Don’t be a pussy.