Sitting in Popcorn Crumbs and Rejoicing

I write this to you sitting amongst popcorn crumbs and it’s been about 100 years since my last post. A terrifying moment of clarity of what it’s all come to. This makes me a terrible blogger of course, pass me the blogger shame hat and put me in the cyber corner. So here’s a bit of what you’ve missed.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I could not have been happier when January ended. All the fuss about ‘dry January’, joining gyms and the latest ‘of the moment’ diet. I don’t remember a conversation throughout the month that didn’t revolve around one of these topics, elsewhere I’ve eaten 11 crème eggs in 2 weeks and am in fact feeling rather proud of it. To those of you fake-resolutioners, who do you think you’re fooling? As a species we should accept ourselves as the liars we are and it seems the only ones we’re all deceiving is ourselves. That’s right, your conscience can see that chocolate eclair you ate in the spotlight of your fridge in the middle of the night.

To make matters worse, by the time I had deleted most of the ranting that took this post to well over the recommended your-reader-will-stop-reading-after-approximately-600-words, it was nearly the end of February and so we have lent to contend with.

Fast forward another couple of weeks, and we’re nearing the end of March and there’s still just one thing puzzling me. People are swept up in their positivity and prospects. Ideas that we are able to control everything we do in life. If you want to do something, just do it. What this therefore determines is those people who fail, who don’t achieve everything they want means that they didn’t try and are therefore labelled personally as a failure.

Spontaneity isn’t a luxury for the middle class”

Lucy Managan wrote a column for Stylist about her frustration with people congratulating her for doing what she loves for a living. She expressed the aggrivation it causes her because she happens to be one of a handful of people who is lucky enough to have such a blessing. Always keeping with you the hope that ‘you can’ is something I would aspire to, and in spite of everything, do respect. But I have come to the conclusion, that I am out of the inspiration to encourage it, because we live in a world where the one thing we cannot live without is money. It’s a painful truth and sad reality and one that after the flurry with education is over, we have to accept and tackle. And so to those people saying that they ‘just did it because they wanted to’… Bite me. Finding your way for everyone isn’t paved with the lavishness of travel and Chanel. Am I to be doomed to believe I didn’t try hard enough if things don’t go quite to plan?

Some people spend their lives doing the same thing day in, day out. The domestic workers who serve others for a lifetime, to earn what they can to live within their means. Are you to say they are something of a failure?

I’m not in training for any marathon, and I don’t plan to partake in a diet… ever. So is that to say I don’t have purpose? I’m not driven?

And if you are working hard, if you spend your whole life working, being the best you can be, is that enough? Besides, if ever there were a man to be trusted, it was made in the form of Will Smith and as he says, “greatness lives on the edge of destruction.”

I eat a little more cake than is perhaps calorie friendly. And I dream of the places I want to go that are at this point, a little out of reach. But in the words of Emilie Sande, this world isn’t exactly what my heart expected.

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