Let’s talk about… ssshh

The Tale of… Sex on the Beach

1 measure peach schnapps

1 measure Vodka

2 measures fresh orange juice

3 measures cranberry and peach juice

Sex on the beach

Let’s talk about sex.

But first, let’s talk about underwear.


Why is it women are given such grief on spending money on shoes or clothes, but when we come home with new underwear, he’s all on board. Well, what you don’t know is that bra you ripped off after acknowledging it for 10 seconds actually cost £40, and now you’ve seen it once, you’re really not going to care when you see it next time, it will simply be a green light for man.

Underwear seems to hold a sense of power, the question is, who’s holding it? It’s all too easy to send some kind of message and as above, it seems to a man the message is simple- go.

My friend Emily told me a story about a Valentine’s with an ex of hers a few years ago. They had been going through a rough patch in their relationship and had not been speaking much for a few weeks. They were just beginning to get back in contact and discuss a reunion which happened to fall on the Valentine’s weekend. The day before he was due to arrive, Emily got a package. She admitted that it was a nice garment and is something she would have chosen herself, however, she also noted the blatent bedroom-only usage. It was not something she could wear as underwear on a daily basis, and was solely in her opinion, an outfit for him. Weeks of not speaking, they had both assumed the inevitable make up sex, he however had assumed something else entirely.  Before they had even reconciled on both their terms, he was making this request of her and to make matters worse, was wrapping it in ribbon and calling it a gift that she should be grateful for. Emily told me what bothered her was that if he was going to buy her underwear as a present, she’d prefer it to be something she could make use of not just for him. She’d prefer to decide when to treat him to something extra.

So how can something as simple as a little lace and ribbon change the mechanics of a relationship entirely? And if it has the power to do that, why can it not change the mechanics of a woman and the way she holds herself? Can we reinvent ourselves just with stuff? Playkinky.com were happy to help me out with my little experiment.

As a test, I decided to wear particularly pleasant underwear for a whole day- beneath my clothes of course- and see if it made me feel any different- which I am pleased to say it did. It was a curious feeling, I knew that no one was actually going to see it, but there was some gentle amusement in knowing that I was dressed for sex. I did however draw a line for myself at the suspenders. Wearing such things to the office is something I’ll have to leave to the women in Mad Men. To all those still conquering such style, I salute you… and will not be standing next to you in the changing rooms at the gym whilst I wrestle my waist-high tummy holder tights.

Whilst I was exploring my newfound sense of womanhood, I got to thinking about the air of taboo still surrounding certain underwear shops. You can still see the twenty-something girl waiting for her Mother to be distracted at the pyjamas section so she can sneak something else into her basket. You’ll still find nervous boyfriends pretending to be just browsing when really they saw what they wanted to buy about 10 minutes ago and are just trying to find the guts to take it to the till. Why as a society are we so ashamed of sex?

It’s all about privacy. There is no need to share that part of your life with the rest of the world, but ironically, it is one of the only things we all have in common. Irrelevent of country, class, race, gender, sex is one thing that we all have.


As it happens, Playkinky.com also sent me a copy of their magazine The Kinky Times, which by the way you all need to get- you can order your copy here: http://www.playkinky.com/kinky-times/

The Kinky Times discusses sex in a real way. It highlights the fact that novels like “Fifty Shades of Grey” that cause such scandal in our sex-scared society is actually tame compared to some early works of erotic literature. It seems people believe that writing about sex and desires is something incredibly niche and new.


“Other ages thought nothing of it- to them, sex carried no more taboos than food, sport or war.”

                                                          Joe Hedinger The Kinky Times.


It’s never going to be hot on the topics list around the family dinner table- thank god- but is there such need to get so hot under the collar when it is brought to the forefront of discussion. When deciding whether I should start watching Game of Thrones, I asked several people- male and female- what was so great about it. The answer was consistently the same- “it’s fighting, dragons and sex”. Even the medieval sexual encounters appearing in this HBO hit seem to be something of awe-provoking for todays males and females, yet they are willing to admit their fondness of it. Why then, if I were to ask them a small and not in the slightest invasive question about sex, would they start to get hot under the collar and trip over themselves searching for the nearest exit.

I was most pleasantly suprised to read in the Metro the other week that a number of Tesco stores across the country are now offering HIV in-store HIV testing. Either a finger prick in which you have the results in a couple of minutes or a cheek swab which gives you the results in about 20 minutes. One of the points made in the article was that it was an attempt to normalise sexual health testing. It should not cause great embarassment for any person to attend a sexual health clinic. It has become a common thing for chlamidia testing to take place in nightclubs and pubs across the country, particularly in areas with high student populations.

So perhaps we are getting closer, and women won’t need fifty shades of excuses to talk about sex. After the news of Emma Thompson’s sex tips guide for her daughter, which I think we can all agree we NEED to get published, perhaps we are moving closer and closer a less taboo ridden society.

Playkinky.com have even given all you Cupcakes & CockTales readers 15% discount using discount code “CUPCAKES” on their website.