Put the Ladies First

The Tale of… The Chasing Tail

2oz Bourbon

1/2 oz Amaretto

1 oz Cherry Cola

1 Cherry for garnish

Image belongs to: CompleteCocktails.com

Image belongs to: CompleteCocktails.com


Boys should chase girls. It’s a law of physics, no? It starts in the playground and ends with them on one knee. Jordi from Thirty Something London disagrees, and when he asked why it should be the guys, without sounding entirely sexist I couldn’t answer. So, we decided to write exactly why the boys, or girls, should do the chasing. Jordi is one of my fellow nominees in the ‘Best Sex and Relationships category’ at the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards 2014, so be sure to click here to hear his side. And remember, you can vote in the Blog Awards here until the end of August, Best Sex and Relationships is the 10th category! 

Jordi makes a valid and most inspiring point that as strong independent women, we should of course never be afraid to approach a man ourselves if he catches our eye. And hell to the yes is this correct. But it would seem that in most cases it is not the fear that stops a woman making the first move, but rather, her stubbornness. But I assure you it is not unjustified stubbornness.

One word. Ego.

It’s as simple as that. I don’t want to encourage obstinacy, but we women should grasp with two hands every opportunity to chip away at The Male Ego. I refer to it as one entity as it does seem to be something that has plagued all males, hailing from some mother ship in outer space transmitting ego signals to their brains all the live long day.

I have respect for the courage it takes to approach a girl you have never met before solely with the hope that you like the look of her and maybe you’ll like her as a person too. But for those chances to strike rejection into the stone-hard ego of boys who think with their balls, it seems that making the first move is one of the only opportunities we have left.

But in case this isn’t a good enough explanation for you, I have here a better one.

Putting ego aside for a minute (something men NEVER do), the chase, as it will hence forth be referred, is probably the only time he will buy you flowers, serenade you, do everything he can to get your attention. He’ll brush his hair, wear a shirt, clean his car and call you beautiful. You will for the duration of your time together remember everything he did in those first few weeks, or months if you’re lucky. They will be the things you remember when you wonder whether he is actually into you.

The fact is, most guys, no not all of you, but most of you will never put the same effort in that you put in at the start of a relationship. I’m not judging you, (okay maybe a little) because it seems to be some kind of built-in system of the sexes. Women seem to develop their emotions over time, and men lose them. This is why it is easier for women to ‘play hard to get’ at the start of the relationship. They convince themselves they have the upper hand because they are not yet attached and so can distance themselves enough to ‘keep him keen’ as it were. However, once they’ve been hooked, their affection for the person just grows and grows so as the man’s interest is dwindling, hers is at its peak and it is at this time the woman gets a pleasure from pleasing the person she is with. So she’ll surprise him with a romantic dinner, or bring a present home just because she feels like it, all the while wondering why he never does the same.

Well, this is why. Men are at their most vulnerable at the start of the relationship because they love the chase. It’s the likeness the chase holds to a game, and because men are so competitive, their innate masculine need to win and compete kicks in and they thrive from the challenge. They will do most anything to win you over in order to prove you can’t resist him, which means pulling out every tactic no matter how fake and out of character it may be. And if they feel like they’re losing or are heading that way, they panic which is when you see those glimpses of weakness and it appears as if they cannot possibly live without you. But really, their ego just cannot possibly take the blow.

So, when he finally has won, why would he need to continue with his game plan? It’s just logic to him.

Women are pretty impressionable- lucky for you guys- and so it’s easy for them to hold onto a shred of hope that there are guys out there who will ‘woo’ you. You will ‘court’ and walk home hand in hand wearing his jacket before he ‘steals’ a kiss. It’s the consequence of movies like An Affair to Remember and The Notebook, all of which we owe our utter foolish hearts to. Of course there are women like me who probably wouldn’t believe real romance even if it did bite me in the face, but even if it all is just bullsh*t, it’s better than nothing and in my opinion it’s the only time you’re going to get it.

And lest we forget, it was Frank Sinatra who said he would feel a glow just thinking of you, Barry White who said he’ll take you just the way you are, The Script who said they’re not moving, and Olly Murs who had us dreaming of finding a dancing possy in the street.

So boys if you’ve got a problem, take it up with these guys.

Image: Image belongs to CompleteCocktails.com, http://www.completecocktails.com/Drinks/ChasingTail.aspx#.U-5zmGPy05M

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