10 Things I Love About Men

…. No I’m totally kidding, but just look at your face.

The Tale of… The Eye Opener
1 measure Rum
2 dashes creme de noyaux
2 dashes absinthe
2 dashes curacao
1 egg yolk
1 tsp icing sugar

10 things 3

eye opener

It seems in recent weeks some people (and when I say people I mean men) have been stung by my words, described most frequently as ‘brutal’. I’m trying, really trying, to think of a positive topic but I can’t help but enjoy the sense of impending doom man feels when he sees the words “NEW POST” on his news feed. However, I am concerned that anyone in a happy relationship may avoid me in the street with the fear that my negativity is contagious.

I read an article the other day in which a nurse revealed the five most frequent regrets people had told her on their deathbeds. I found it particularly interesting because none of them included anything about marriage, or even love for that matter. These were the three that stood out most to me, but you should definitely read the full piece here.

“I wish I didn’t work so hard.”

“I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

There are many cultures who laugh upon the idea that people should marry for love. It is entirely impractical to their civilisation and does not encourage the most efficiency for their society. They only settle when they really think their partner is most suited for them. Why then in Western civilisation are we so set on settling?

500 years ago, everyone ‘knew’ the Earth was the centre of the universe, 200 years ago everyone ‘knew’ that women were inferior to men and today everybody ‘knows’ we’re supposed to fall in love and get married. Have people never considered maybe we’re wrong about this too?

People genuinely attend therapy to find out why they can’t find someone that makes them happy. My friend Josie actually said the words “what’s wrong with me?” after breaking up with her boyfriend the other day. Women and men will assume that the reason they cannot find what they’re looking for in love is because there is something wrong with them. More likely, you probably knew that he or she was wrong for you from the start but you ignored it.

If you are attracted to someone, a chemical change in your body tells your brain you like them. Does this mean an instant physical attraction can fool your own brain into thinking you feel something you don’t? And with that in mind, if someone does something or says something that you dislike, does that cause a chemical drop? If your body can make your brain think you like someone, can your brain tell your body you’re not attracted to them any more?

“When you’re attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously.”

Sleepless in Seattle

So what is the reason we can’t make a relationship work? Are we attracted to people who will hurt us? Or, is it just an inevitable human fact that we all have bad judgement and if you spend that much time with another person, you are bound to hurt them eventually? Perhaps the reason we feel like we’re failing relationship after relationship is because we feel like we have to keep trying until we get it right. When did succeeding in a life with another person mean that you had succeeded in your own? Surely the two are entirely separate.

People seem to assume that as soon as you’re single, you’re looking for the next relationship. And in this day and age, is it something you have to consider? With medical advancements providing you with lists of all the risks in anything we do, it’s like we have to predict our own future relationships. My friend Milly is dealing with this very dilemma, she asked my opinion on whether she should stay on the pill or not.  “If I stay on it, it’s like I’m admitting that I’m either looking to find a new boyfriend and I want to be prepared, or that I’m planning on going out there and sleeping with someone(s). But if I come off it and then I do meet someone, I’ve got to go through the hassle of adjusting my body back to taking it.”  So is she telling her body she’s waiting for a boyfriend by staying on it and therefore preparing her chemical balance for a change? Or is she just deterring the risk of pregnancy should she meet a man with Chris Hemworth’s body and Channing Tatum’s face?

I began this piece with an article on the things people come to regret in their lives and we saw that it’s not other people’s mistakes you’ll come to regret, it’s your own. People are living their lives looking to intertwine it with someone else’s and measuring themselves based on what someone else thinks of them. Maybe it’s time to stop trying to figure out all the reasons you’re going wrong. We’re all creatures of mystery and if my subconscious feels something, I can go with that until my conscious realises he’s a dirt bag.

Sorry guys, maybe next time.

Images: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) Touchstone Pictures

1001 Cocktails & other decadent drinks (2011) Parragon Books Ltd.